


I'm Not So Sure?

by sorryimabitanxious



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), F/M, Gender Confusion, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, POV Sokka (Avatar), Protective Sokka (Avatar), Taco Bell, Tags Are Hard, Tags Contain Spoilers, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28907073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryimabitanxious/pseuds/sorryimabitanxious
Summary: Sokka wakes up to the soft tapping of keys clicking on Suki's laptop that is perched on her lap, her face glued on whatever was on the screen in front of her. After cuddles and promises, Suki agrees to tell him what's been going on in her head, the thoughts, the confusion, the I'm just not so sure anymore on what is what.“It can’t be just nothing if you’re up this early… this late? I’m here, or, maybe some super fantastic amazing patent-pending Sokka special calming cuddles?”
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 42





	I'm Not So Sure?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! This is my first fic in the Atla universe! (we won't discuss the fics I wrote in college.)
> 
> This is just me half way through a bottle of brut projecting my non-binrary/gender confusion on Sokka, Suki, and Zuko. 
> 
> Shout out to my beta readers! And shout out to BiblioPan on ao3 for going on this journey with me.

_Tap… Tap… Tap…_

Sokka lifts his head slightly off his pillow confused, awoken by the repetitive sounds of rapid taps coming from behind him. _Tap, tap, tap._ Looking over his shoulder, he sees his girlfriend sitting up in the bed, illuminated by the soft light of the laptop propped on her knees. Her face is scrunched up, eyes moving back and forth over the screen as if she was trying to soak up whatever it was she was looking at. 

“Suki?” he mumbles, flipping around to face her, “what time is it?”

“Oh shit, sorry babe, did I wake you? Shit, sorry, it’s two. I’ll put this away.” 

Suki flips the laptop closed with almost too much force, slipping it off her lap and onto the bedside table. Shifting to lay down in the bed, she reaches out to rub Sokka’s arm. “Go back to sleep, I’m sorry for waking you.” 

Sokka’s eyes adjusted to the dark bedroom slowly, the only source of light flooding the room coming from the warm orange street lamp conveniently located just outside their second-floor window. Anxiety tenses Suki’s shoulders, running down her back and arms, the look in her eyes giving away that something was off. He moves to cup her cheek with his hand, his thumb running over the smooth skin. 

“Another nightmare? Wanna talk about it?” Sokka asks.

Suki places her hand on the wrist of the hand caressing her cheek, shaking her head. “No, it's nothing, just… just couldn’t sleep, lots of stuff just swimming in my brain. Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.”

“It can’t be _just nothing_ if you’re up this early… this late? I’m here, or, maybe some super fantastic amazing patent-pending Sokka special calming cuddles?” 

Suki snorts, a bit of the tension in her body releasing at the ridiculousness that is this boyfriend of hers. “Fine, I’ll take your super special whatever cuddles. Can… can we talk about it in the morning? Don’tworryI’mnotbreakingupwithyou… it’s just, something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.”

Sokka wraps his arms around her, his legs tangling with hers and his head coming to rest on top of her soft silky head. He squeezes her lightly, his hands running softly up and down her back as he tries to get her to release the tension held in her muscles. 

\---

Blinking open his eyes, Sokka is met with the light of the morning sun filtering in from the window, lighting up the dust floating around in the air above him. The space next to him is empty and cold; his girlfriend must have let him sleep in and going about doing whatever these weird early risers do. He loves her with all his heart and everything she does, but he just cannot get behind waking with the sun. Most mornings, but definitely Saturday mornings, were meant to be spent in bed until his stomach said it was time for his cheat day Taco Bell breakfast. There’re only three things that get Sokka out of bed on a Saturday morning: sex, Taco Bell, or fishing with his dad. 

And now it’s Taco Bell time. 

Rolling out of the bed with all the grace he can muster, Sokka saunters over to the closet and throws on the new hoodie that Suki has yet to steal from him and jeans. He walks out of the bedroom, a yawn escaping his mouth and his hands running over his hair to gather it up in his wolf tail. The smell of something delicious hits him in the face and he can see Suki’s back in the kitchen, fumbling with the electric tea kettle he got her for her last birthday. 

“Awww, baaaaaabe, you picked up the Bell already,” he says, connecting the delicious smell with the brown bag on the kitchen counter, his hands already inside pulling out his breakfast quesadilla. “You really do love me!”

He takes a bite out of his quesadilla, hopping from foot to foot over to Suki before placing a greasy kiss on her cheek. Suki swats him away, running the back of her hand to wipe away the gross kiss from her face. Sokka notices the bags under her eyes and the return of the tension in her shoulders.

Sokka swallows the next quesadilla slice whole, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “Hey, were you able to sleep much last night?” He wraps his arms around her waist from behind as she pours the water into her favorite mug. 

“Yeah, sorry for waking you again,” Suki says, “just… yeah, a lot on my mind you know?”

“Wanna talk about it now, or maybe a bit later?”

Suki wiggles out of his arms, moving to sit at the mismatched kitchen table they picked up from the nearby thrift shop when they first moved in with each other. Her eyes are locked on the mug in front of her, her hands folded between her legs. She’s hunched over as if trying to make herself as small as possible, something she only does when she’s about to be vulnerable with Sokka. Suki might be a powerful force in the dojo, a loud grump when working at the tea shop, and even an explosive terror during their late night Mario Kart tournaments, but now she’s huddled over, small. Nervous about what she wants to tell Sokka. 

And it just breaks his heart every time this happens. He wants nothing more than to lift her up, let her know that nothing in this world has the right to make her feel this scared. But he understands, he understands that her childhood wasn’t easy, her dad violent, her mom missing, her sister a nightmare. Sokka knows that being open and vulnerable with loved ones wasn’t a thing taught in her house as it was in his. He can tell his dad and Katara anything, sometimes to the point he knows Katara wishes he would just shut up. 

“What’s up?” he asks as he moves into the rickety chair next to her, placing a hand on the knee closest to him. 

Her fingers are fidgeting and eyes still locked on the mug in front of her. “Sokka… how.. how do you know if you are what you were born as?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I’m just… I’m not so sure, I haven’t been for a long while, even as a kid I wasn’t sure.” Each word is spit out quickly, her breathing becoming uneven and fast.

“Babe, babe, just breathe. Breathe. In 1… 2… 3... 4.. Out…” His hands take hers, his head leaning forward to try to catch her eyes. “What aren’t you sure about?”

Suki takes a deep breath, looking away from her mug for the first time into Sokka’s vast ocean eyes. 

“I don’t feel like a woman, I think… I think maybe… I don’t think I’m a woman? I don’t think I want to be Suki anymore.”

Water is pooling in her eyes, her shoulders raised high as the words spill out of her into their kitchen with the mismatched furniture and the Taco Bell smell making the air stale. Sokka is still, quiet for once in his life, racking his brain for what to say, what words of support and comfort he can offer her. 

“You don’t have to be Suki anymore if you don’t want to be.” He says each word slowly as they travel from his brain to his mouth. “What do you want to be?”

Suki takes her hands out of his and hides her face in them, sobs escaping her body. Sokka pushes his chair forward, running a hand up and down her back as she cries. He wants to hold her, tell her that it's going to be okay, but he knows she doesn’t like being held while she’s crying--the simple touch is enough.

They sit like that for a few minutes, the tears pouring from Suki’s eyes, sobs filling the kitchen, Sokka with his hand on her back. When she’s ready, she sits up a little from her huddled position, wiping her red eyes with the collar of her shirt. (Really his shirt, but what’s her clothes is hers and what’s his clothes is also hers at this point in their relationship)

“Sorry, you must think I’m a fucking mess,” she whispers, “It’s just, it’s just been in my head even more lately you know? I don’t think I ever felt like ‘one of the girls’ and maybe, it’s cause I’m not one? But you must think I’m crazy though, I should have known this earlier right? How did I not realize this earlier?”

“No, babe, no, you’re not crazy, I mean, not right now at least.” The joke gets a soft snort and a swat on the arm. “These things can come up at any age, I think? I mean, there’s people who don’t transition until they’re in their 60s and stuff right?”

She sits there for a moment, “Yeah, but what if this is just something I’m making up in my head? I just feel like _I_ would have known when I was younger?”

Sokka takes a deep breath and thinks for a moment. “First of all, you’re 30, you’re still young. Second of all, do you remember what your house was like growing up? When would you have had the time and energy to think about it between your dad and sister blowing up the house all the time?”

Suki reaches out to wrap a hand around the tea mug, the tea inside long forgotten and grown cold. She’s mulling over his words, nose still red from crying. 

“I guess? What is that, Manislov’s triangle of needs or whatever? I’ve talked about it in therapy a bit, but I think… I think I want to try… exploring whatever my gender is openly.” 

“Okay… Okay! Yes! Babe, I’m here for this, what do you want to do?” Sokka says, “Suki, whatever you want, everything you do is amazing, and I support you.”

Sokka places a hand back on her knee, a smile painting its way across his face. He knows he loves her no matter what. He loves _her_ , the way she laughs at his puns, the way she can kick his ass any day at the dojo, how she always makes his coffee the way he likes in the morning. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life going to sleep with her, this knowledge as solid as the stone pendant hidden deep in his sock drawer. 

For the first time since she sat down, her shoulders loosen, her fingers tapping only lightly against the cold tea mug. She moves to look at Sokka, brows softening and eyes searching his face. 

“Will you come with me to get a haircut today?”

\---

They tug at the hair on the back of their head, fingers moving through the short strands that were sheared off just hours ago. They can’t believe they finally did it, finally cut their hair, finally told the greatest love of their life about a secret thought they would only share in the controlled confines of their therapist’s office. 

They’re looking in the mirror for the hundredth time that afternoon, admiring each angle, playing with the way the hair lands when pushing it this way or that. It feels… it just feels so natural and normal, just as the sun rises in the east and stars shine in the night sky. It feels like being a parched man getting his first drink of water in days, like crawling into bed after a long day, like the feeling of seeing the first snow of the season. 

It feels like them. 

Sokka walks into the small bathroom attached to their bedroom, with the outdated pink tile and that one patch of black mold that just won’t go away no matter how much bleach was used. He smiles as he leans against the door, watching the scene in front of him. 

“Babe, you look so gorgeous, you don’t even know,” he states, walking forward and snaking his arms around their waist. “So do you want to go by Suki still?” 

Their eyes connect in the mirror, one hand moving up to cup Sokka’s face and turning it so they can snatch a quick kiss from him. 

“No. Call me Zuko?”  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on my tumblr, sorryimabitanxious.tumblr.com (idk how to do hyperlinks)!


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